I don’t think it’s an accident that you included that. The part where you had to force yourself to be attracted to John. There are a couple of things that really trouble me about your letter. Then ask yourself: Does it seem like John should be in that picture? Does having him in that picture make the list of stuff you want to do seem more possible, real, exciting? Make a long list of stuff you want to do in the next year, five years, 10 years. Are you doing what you want with your life? Work-wise? Education-wise? Travel-wise? Are you living your life to please yourself or to be a part of this couple? Sometimes we develop crushes on people not just because we want to bang them, but because we want to BE them. There might be more to the whole “single life” you feel like you might be missing out on than sex. And they didn’t marry people because they thought they couldn’t do any better (so might as well force themselves to love this guy!) And while I am very happy to be in love now, the times that I was single and able to do stuff like “move across the country because I felt like it without giving one single fuck about other people’s priorities or opinions” were times of huge growth and I would not trade them away for anything. Or, they did, and then they divorced those people and went on to have supercalifragilisticexpialidociously better lives with partners they met later when they knew themselves better.
#I MISS MY FIRST LOVE SERIAL#
We inherit our ideas about romantic love and when is the right time to pair off permanently from our upbringing, our culture, and our situation, so I don’t want to tell you that it’s impossible to be happy if you don’t follow my finicky Liz Lemon-y model of serial dating.Īnd yet…most people I know who have happy relationships right now did not marry their first partners. And some people have arranged marriages where the attraction and love happen later…and have very happy lives. I realize that some people really do marry their first loves/sex partners when they are very young and have happy lives.
#I MISS MY FIRST LOVE FREE#
Should I leave these things as harmless fantasy? Am I a horrific person for wanting more when our relationship is already so wonderful? Please help me and talk some sense into me, feel free to lecture! I need your rationality because I have none! Is this bad enough for me to leave my relationship? I fear that one day I may resent John for this, which he obviously does not deserve, and I do really love him but at the same time wish our relationship had developed a few years from now so I had the chance to explore my sexuality. Now, I know I’m being horrible and greedy and I am probably just wanting this because I don’t have it, but I need help deciding what I should do. Now that I have interest, the old feelings are resurfacing and I kind of feel trapped with the idea of never experiencing a single life. I was always interested in having casual encounters, not necessarily sex but that too, and I had given up on that with the total lack of male interest. However, recent interest from guys that I work with, has made think about the future of our relationship. Our sex life doesn’t really leave anything to be desired, and he is a wonderful and caring partner. Before him I had a few horrific, sloppy, face-licking kisses at a drunken New Year’s Eve party in the city but that was it. John was pretty much my first everything. I know this is pretty messed up as I was forcing myself to be with him for the first few months of our relationship but miraculously it has developed into actual love. The relationship didn’t turn out to be a disaster, as eventually I developed to love him and feel incredibly attracted to him and we have been together for about a year and a half. The first guy to ever show any interest in me, lets call him John, resulted in such excitement from me that I convinced myself the attraction was mutual. I am young adult, and pretty much my whole adolescent life I have had no interest from guys, and I internalized this as meaning I was unlovable and hideous. My problem isn’t really a problem as such, I am well aware that I’ve got it pretty good and most likely I am in a state of ‘the grass is greener’, but I need help figuring out what to do with these feelings.